re·sil·ience (noun)
- the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”the remarkable resilience of so many institutions”
- the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience”
- Similar: flexibility, pliability, suppleness, plasticity, elasticity, springiness, spring, give, durability, ability to last, strength, sturdiness, toughness, strength of character, hardiness, adaptability, buoyancy, ability to bounce back, bouncebackability
- “Lynne showed her resilience by opening a gift shop on Cape Cod with her son, getting a new puppy, getting back into theatre both as actor and director, while making new friends and reacquainting with old ones, traveling to Scotland alone, and keeping in touch with and spending time with the important people in her life.”
Today marks five years (hard to believe) since I lost the love of my life. For the last five years, I have been urged by my own will to be an example of resilience both to myself first, and then to my family and friends. How do I do this? Well, what choice do I have? All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and use the inner strength I have to keep going. Turns out I am much stronger than I ever thought I was.
What I can honestly say is that I am definitely not the same person I was just five years ago. Losing Paul was absolutely devistating and shook me to the core and crumbled the very ground I stood on. Everything I knew, and aspired to be was taken out from under me, leaving me a mere shell of the human being I was finally beginning to be comfortable with. I’ve had to rebuild myself at every turn. From the small things, like having a cup of coffee alone in the morning in silence, to walking in the neighborhood alone, and then the larger things like, sleeping in my bed alone, taking care of the house , buying a car, traveling and so on and so on.
I must admit, I have managed pretty well pulling up my bootstraps and moving forward. Not moving on, but forward. Again, what choice do I have? Resiliency is explained above in so many words, and I see it in my every day life. I’ve managed to “bounce” back to the life of the living and with my newfound path, set my sites on happiness in the moment. Recently I start my mornings raising my arms to God and the Universe and thanking them for all that I am grateful for in my life. I thank the universe for putting Paul in my path, building such a beautiful family with him, our experiences together and the life we had. Although he is gone, he is still everywhere in my life. He is in the faces of our children and grandchildren, in the piano in our mudroom, in our family photos, the humor we all share, and in the home we dreamed of having someday and were lucky enought to share for a time.
For anyone who has lost a loved one, the journey you are on now is absolutely a different one and not what you may have dreamt of. Through this phase of my life, my resiliency puts me on a mission to live my new life to the fullest, stepping off of the very foundation I had built with my person. I’m rebuilding that crumbled ground to forge a new path and get to higher ground. Paul may not be with me in the physical sense, but his incredible presence and love still drive me forward with positivity and strength, and no one can take that from me. Ever. Building upon that foundation is such a gift in the next chapters of my life. My strength comes from love and the determination to keep up the momentum I’ve built over the years with Paul and to reach the heights I am meant to reach. We all have potential for bigger and better things in life. Whatever those things are to each one of us, we can keep building upwards and use our resiliency to get to the next level. Keep building towards the sun. It will warm you and help you see just how resilient you can by.
Cancer Wife 