Mask of Grief

We mask up to cover what lurks inside

They joke, we laugh,

They visit, we welcome them

They give, we accept

They love us, we love them

yet…no one can penetrate this veil of sorrow

there is no solace…none

We are numb in this world

taking our steps, moving along on our daily conveyor belt like an assembly line of parts and pieces

Shower taken – check

Hair combed – check

Teeth brushed – check

Clothes on – check

Food eaten – check…and so on and then…

Mask on … mask on…I said “Mask On!” – check!

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

our eyes open to reality upon awakening and our day begins without desire

We mask up

donning our mask of smiles to stifle grief’s gut wrenching grimace

We mask over the pain with our smile masks

for everyone else…all of them

Seldom, but sometimes, we inch our mask down at the corner, letting our grief peek out so it can breathe a little

we share what we need, but abruptly mask up again when they begin to flinch, avert their eyes, clear their throats, glance downward

Have we said too much? Gone too far?

we lift our mask back onto our faces…holding back our tears…adjusting…fixing…hiding…grieving

alone

To remove the mask completely would mean bringing them into our world…a place we need to and don’t want to share with its aching walls, numbing rooms, and altered mirrors

it is not a place for guests

we don’t want to let anyone feel what we feel, thereby doubling the grief

With mask on we are whole again…normal…the person they hope us to be, the person they recognize from before…

they relax…and we…we…shut down…for them

We don’t enjoy this masquerade

with its insincerity and dishonesty. It’s a lie

To peek behind our mask fully they would see what we see…

we see death…only death

death of a beautiful love

death of a life together

death of a future

the death of purpose

We mask up to cover what lurks inside

One thought on “Mask of Grief

  1. Absolutely awesome – while I do not completely understand what you are experiencing, this brought my comprehension to a whole new level. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

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